Words of Welcome

Now that it appears to be a matter of hours before Mr. Oswalt officially joins the two time defending NL champs, here are a few thoughts:

1) Oswalt was the best starter available, but he ain't no Clifton Phifer Lee. I will never forgive you for that move, Ruben Amaro Jr. Not ever.

2) Amaro's claim that the Lee trade was about replenishing the prospect pool and not about dollars is a complete joke. We could be looking at a starting rotation of Halliday, Lee, Hamels, Blanton, and Happ right now, with a stronger farm system than what we will have after this trade.

3) Speaking of Happ, he is 27 years old with one pitch (an 89 mph fastball) and elbow problems. In other words, he's destined for the bullpen. Have fun with that Houston.

4) Oswalt makes them significantly better, even if he is not quite the pitcher he once was. This is a great trade for the squad and continues their proud tradition of only trading with Seattle and Houston.

5) None of this matters as long as Brad Lidge is the closer. And he will be the closer for the forseable future because a) they owe him a whole lot of Bernankes and b) the bullpen is terrible. Thanks again Ruben.

Wild Asian Ass

This might be old news to some, but I just stumbled upon this story. The lesson here: be careful how you clue your crossword.

The Wildcard

This has to be the greatest sales pitch in the history of history.

Mad Men Parodies

As part of our continuing and excessive coverage of the Mad Men premiere I will now present my three favorite parodies. They are in no particular order, and I am not offering any descriptions because my head is still in limbo from watching Inception yesterday:

Mad Men in 60 Seconds

Meshugene Men

Don Draper's Guide

If You Needed Another Reason

http://www.metacritic.com/tv/shows/madmenseason4

Ahoy Paloy!

This 33-foot Southern Right Whale just ruined the Flying Wasp off the shores of Cape Town, South Africa.

Fortunately, those on board were not injured.

Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce

This WSJ article tries to dissect which Midtown lobby/building will be featured in Mad Men when it airs this Sunday. According to the property manager of 1271 Avenue of the Americas, the show filmed lots of shots looking at the surrounding scenery. I remember watching the show and seeing distinct shots of Rockefeller Center (see image to the left) and St. Patrick's Cathedral.

So which building will be home to Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce? We will find out soon enough!

Meeting the Wizard

I don't think this hurt too badly?

Almost Brilliant

I agree with nearly all of the Phillies/Madmen comparisons posted below except for one egregious miscarriage of justice that must be addressed. Comparing Sterling to Amaro is just brutally unfair to Roger. "Time to see what they really got?" We've already seen what Amaro's got: Ibanez, Raul, the second Cliff Lee deal, Blanton, Joe, the bullpen, the bench, and of course Phillippe Aumont.

Worlds Colliding

I was going to list all the various Phillies who have disappointed me this year, Festivus-style, but that would take way too long. Instead, I'm ripping off Sports Guy and make half-baked analogies between the team and a pop culture entity. It's guaranteed to be a better time than watching a Kyle Kendrick start. Enjoy


Cole Hamels - Don Draper
Much like season 2, where Don drifts into the California abyss for several weeks and hangs out with the swinging commune and the real Mrs. Draper, Cole has been in the abyss for almost a year and half after being a superstar. However, the last 2 months have shown a renewed Cole, and like Mr. Draper, perhaps a new focus and hunger.

Roy Halladay - Lane Pryce
True professionals. They know their job and don't disappointed their superiors when in a new setting. Sadly, like Lane, Roy doesn't realize that a new scene doesn't mean he's moved up the food chain enough. Maybe he can get himself fired too and sign with the Yanks in the offseason.

Ryan Howard - Pete Campbell
Both have serious flaws. Both make you cringe too many times to count. However, at the end of the day, they have enough upside and potential to merit their positions.

Ruben Amaro - Roger Sterling
Both used their family connections to get where they are. And while both may flash a smile and may be good for a quote or two, they really haven't done much besides make risky, high-cost trades. Now it's time to see what they really got.

Chase Utley - Joan Holloway
Both have gotten a lot of hype over the last few years, and deservedly so. However, their absences are duly noted. Can Chase come back and save the day too?

Jayson Werth - Betty Draper
Both clearly have talent to spare, but they have become maddeningly frustrating over the last year or so. With their time dwindling, it's hard not to notice how much space/ABs they take up with increasingly less production. Plus both don't seem like the sharpest sticks in the barrel.

Charlie Manual - Bert Cooper
Both don't make sense when they talk, but they're successful enough at this point to be playing with house money. Everything from here on in is just for their amusement and to avoid retirement.

Carlos Ruiz - Trudy Campbell
Both can annoying you at times, but clearly they are underrated assets who tend to come through in the clutch.

Raul Ibanez - Duck Phillips
Over the hill, high level acquisitions that did not pay off. The separation needs to come one way or another.

Danys Baez - Freddie Rumsen
Bloated salaries, bloated faces. The joke of their respective units.

1 Week

Just click the link for YouTube the second time.

Update

Ever since I brought you the breaking news of Lebron James signing with the 76ers, I've been neglecting my duties to the blog. And for that I am truly madly deeply sorry. With the notable exception of Puddy Island, you deserve better. So today I pledge the following:

1)I will post at least once a week, maybe even twice.

2) At some point in the future I will spend between 3 and 5 minutes attempting to figure out how to imbed youtube videos, before giving up.

3) When football season starts I will succesfully predict the outcome of every Eagles game, or your money back*.

*Offer only valid between today and September 1st, 2010.

The Rusty Knot

Last night we hit up the Rusty Knot on 11th and the West Side Highway for some after-dinner drinks. It turns out that Kid Rock is no longer in the music business and bartends there.

Kid Rock served us up a few too many rounds of one of the Rusty Knot's signature drinks - a pickle back shot. He pours you a shot of Jameson and a shot of pickle juice brine to chase the whiskey. It actually is pretty damn good. The pickle juice certainly gets rid of the foul whiskey taste, but unfortunately it does not prevent the impending hangover.

R.I.P. Steinbrenner

R.I.P. Steinbrenner.

In his memory, I'm pouring out a piping hot calzone on the street.

To Prepare For The New Season

I need to memorize some of these, or at least write them down.

MSG

Shares in Madison Square Garden Inc., the owners of the Knicks, jumped $1.30, or 6.4 percent, to close at $21.57 Wednesday. Volume was up dramatically at 1.7 million trades, more than five times the daily average of 311,000.

This is a perfect example of how traders have access to more information than the broader market. The Maestro made a hefty bet as well on MSG back in March, so he is hopeful to make a windfall on LeBron - if he in fact comes to NYC.

Rudy

So for reasons unknown, Noyac Golf Club (the club in Sag Harbor where I learned how to hit the ball like Nicklaus, Palmer, and Woods) named Rudy Giuliani as an honorary member. I am guessing he received that prestigious honor for being Mayor of NYC during the September 11th attacks. He certainly didn't get the membership for being a good husband (he is on marriage #3) or a good father (Rudy is estranged from both his son and daughter. His daughter uses her mother's surname instead of Giuliani. She even made public her support of Obama while Rudy was campaigning for president).

I saw Rudy on Saturday and Monday after he finished up 18 holes. I was walking into the club bar for a post-round beer when Rudy asked "Did you survive out there?" I wanted to reply "How come you aren't wearing your NY PD/FD hat like you always do in your first row seats at Yankee games?" What a jack-ass. Also, I'd say he's gained about 50 pounds (5-10 in the face) since his campaign days.

Breaking News!!!!!

Lebron to the Sixers, in a beyond shocking sign and trade that sends Andre Iguodala and the rights to Evan Turner and a first round pick next year to the Cavs. Quoting the King "I just couldn't pass up a chance to play for a team that has made so many shrewd decisions over the past few years. The Iguodala deal, the Dalembert deal, the Brand signing, letting John Salmons go to the Bulls. The list goes on. After speaking with Allen Iverson, I can't think of a better place than the main line to raise my family. Plus AC's just around the corner, and I hear Michael Vick throws some killer parties."

An Open Letter to Doc

Dear Mr. Halladay:

Congratulations on your ump-teeth All-Star appearance. Your numbers are outstanding as usual, and you are as deserving as Mike Pelfrey and Joey Votto. Of course, though, you didn't ask for a trade to be on the losing end of an All-Star Game. You came to pitch in big games that had post-seasons implications. Well congratulations, Roy, because tonight's that game. Your Fightins are 5 games back, looked pathetic against the worst franchise in American sports, and the manager killed any karma left with All-Star lineup so indefensible that even homer Philly writers are questioning it.

Yes, it's only July 5th, it's not even the All-Star break, and it's only the opening game of this series. But don't let the calendar fool you, Roy. Your team needs you to step up and win this game, mostly likely by going the full 9. While you thought you'd get plenty of run support this year, the lineup right now looks like a contender in the International League and organization's best hitter is riding the bus. Also, don't expect a lot from your bullpen. The closer's more fragile thank Frankie Merman, the set-up decided to fill the Brett Myers jack-ass role, and the clock has struck midnight on the good Cuban defector (don't even ask about the other one).

Unfair or not, Roy, you were the center piece of the most controversial Philadelphia trade in recent memory. And while we all love perfect games and charity work, don't think we haven't noticed this, this, or this, so don't think giving up game-losing HRs to anonymous white slugger X on the Red isn't going to cut it this season (I buy anyone a drink who can tell the difference between Joey Votto, Laynce Nix, and Jay Bruce). Not this team and not this year.

No one doubts you are an Hall of Fame pitcher and a good guy, but if you want to remind everyone in Philadelphia why we spent 6 straight months pursuing you, now would be a great time. You spent your whole career watching AAA call-ups in September while lesser pitchers became legends in the post-season. So unless you are really excited about Dominic Brown and whomever Jayson Werth could fetch on the open market, I suggest you lock it down tonight. Good luck and Godspeed.

Office Life

After a month in a my first real office job, I have a new appreciation for this. Enjoy the weekend.