Worlds Colliding

I was going to list all the various Phillies who have disappointed me this year, Festivus-style, but that would take way too long. Instead, I'm ripping off Sports Guy and make half-baked analogies between the team and a pop culture entity. It's guaranteed to be a better time than watching a Kyle Kendrick start. Enjoy


Cole Hamels - Don Draper
Much like season 2, where Don drifts into the California abyss for several weeks and hangs out with the swinging commune and the real Mrs. Draper, Cole has been in the abyss for almost a year and half after being a superstar. However, the last 2 months have shown a renewed Cole, and like Mr. Draper, perhaps a new focus and hunger.

Roy Halladay - Lane Pryce
True professionals. They know their job and don't disappointed their superiors when in a new setting. Sadly, like Lane, Roy doesn't realize that a new scene doesn't mean he's moved up the food chain enough. Maybe he can get himself fired too and sign with the Yanks in the offseason.

Ryan Howard - Pete Campbell
Both have serious flaws. Both make you cringe too many times to count. However, at the end of the day, they have enough upside and potential to merit their positions.

Ruben Amaro - Roger Sterling
Both used their family connections to get where they are. And while both may flash a smile and may be good for a quote or two, they really haven't done much besides make risky, high-cost trades. Now it's time to see what they really got.

Chase Utley - Joan Holloway
Both have gotten a lot of hype over the last few years, and deservedly so. However, their absences are duly noted. Can Chase come back and save the day too?

Jayson Werth - Betty Draper
Both clearly have talent to spare, but they have become maddeningly frustrating over the last year or so. With their time dwindling, it's hard not to notice how much space/ABs they take up with increasingly less production. Plus both don't seem like the sharpest sticks in the barrel.

Charlie Manual - Bert Cooper
Both don't make sense when they talk, but they're successful enough at this point to be playing with house money. Everything from here on in is just for their amusement and to avoid retirement.

Carlos Ruiz - Trudy Campbell
Both can annoying you at times, but clearly they are underrated assets who tend to come through in the clutch.

Raul Ibanez - Duck Phillips
Over the hill, high level acquisitions that did not pay off. The separation needs to come one way or another.

Danys Baez - Freddie Rumsen
Bloated salaries, bloated faces. The joke of their respective units.