Help!!!

There is a crisis unfolding in the world of Smuckers. The quality of the sliced watermelon that I purchase every morning at Bully's Deli is deteriorating rapidly and I don't know what to do about it. According to a reliable source (chowhound.com), the peak months for watermelon should be in August and September, but each day the color of the fruit offered at Bully's is getting lighter, not darker. The selection today was a collection of white vapid chunks that merely teased my palate with the memory of something sweet.

The situation is bordering on critical. It's untenable. Mark Twain once wrote, "when one has tasted watermelon he knows what the angels eat." Not his most famous or eloquent quotation, but who among us would dare deny its wisdom? There's also a Turkish proverb stating "two watermelons cannot be held under one arm," although I'm not sure how relevant that is to this particular conversation.

What is certainly relevant is that without my daily watermelon fix, how I will be able to maintain the quality of these typically transcendent blog posts? I might descend to the level of a Bob Cobb, or worse I could become the next Puddy Island (who I believe is currently holding out with Revis for better contract terms). Yes, these are dark days indeed. Fortuna is spinning downwards one again. I humbly ask that depending on your religious beliefs and/or alcoholic tendencies, please either say a prayer or pour out a 40 for poor Smuckers.